Mr. Lube

The whole point of this blog is to make asses out of the assholes I end up dating. And boy, I am really going to live up to my aspirations on this next one! We shall refer to him as…Mr. Lube.


Mr. Lube and I met on an online dating service. Mr. Lube had an interesting profile, which peaked my interest naturally. I have never been a fan of cookie cutter men, and they need to have a little bad boy in them or some kind of edge. Mr. Lube seemed to have that edge I was looking for. He was just a couple years older than me, had ear plugs and lots of tattoos. He seemed very Zen, into Buddhism, artistic and funny. Looking back I do believe this is a front to get smart women! He also mentioned he was a big fan of country music so despite my dislike for this genre of music, I tried to overlook it. Sometimes opposites attract right? We texted and talked on the phone for hours on end for two weeks. We added each other to facebook (which if you are really curious as to who this super freak is just let me know I will direct you there from my facebook) finally the big day came when we were too meet. I was tired so watching movies and hanging out at his place was good with me. The minute I met him he was a short and petite man. He also had no real personality except to be cynical every now and then. Every room in his house had a picture of a Nascar driver which made me chuckle to myself. Never have I ever gotten the point of Nascar, they drive around in circles for hours on end and you dumbasses sit and watch it! Looking back in hindsight maybe it was his love affair with Nascar and my distain for it that also lead to non chemistry. Eventually we kissed a little and both ended up falling asleep. When I woke up the next morning I found 3 bottle of lube staring me in the face. No, not 1 but count them 3 bottles of lube. They were different flavors to boot! There was KY regular, KY warming massage, and KY his and hers. Wow.. exactly how much f*$king was he expecting to do that night. As I stared at my new friends that he spared no expense on I wondered, had they been there the whole time and I had not noticed or did he put them out before I woke up that morning. I left that morning thinking on the car ride home, what his intentions were for all that lube, I mean really, were more people to be invited to this party or was I the only one who got an invitation? If I had gone all the way with him would I have gotten to chose or would he have chosen for me. Would he play a game, hide two behind his back and say ‘Pick a hand…? I would pick the right one if I were you!!!!!!” What exactly was this man’s intention with all that f*&king lube? Either way, I think he and his lube have a very long and intimate relationship they will be building together… alone!