Mr. Lube

The whole point of this blog is to make asses out of the assholes I end up dating. And boy, I am really going to live up to my aspirations on this next one! We shall refer to him as…Mr. Lube.


Mr. Lube and I met on an online dating service. Mr. Lube had an interesting profile, which peaked my interest naturally. I have never been a fan of cookie cutter men, and they need to have a little bad boy in them or some kind of edge. Mr. Lube seemed to have that edge I was looking for. He was just a couple years older than me, had ear plugs and lots of tattoos. He seemed very Zen, into Buddhism, artistic and funny. Looking back I do believe this is a front to get smart women! He also mentioned he was a big fan of country music so despite my dislike for this genre of music, I tried to overlook it. Sometimes opposites attract right? We texted and talked on the phone for hours on end for two weeks. We added each other to facebook (which if you are really curious as to who this super freak is just let me know I will direct you there from my facebook) finally the big day came when we were too meet. I was tired so watching movies and hanging out at his place was good with me. The minute I met him he was a short and petite man. He also had no real personality except to be cynical every now and then. Every room in his house had a picture of a Nascar driver which made me chuckle to myself. Never have I ever gotten the point of Nascar, they drive around in circles for hours on end and you dumbasses sit and watch it! Looking back in hindsight maybe it was his love affair with Nascar and my distain for it that also lead to non chemistry. Eventually we kissed a little and both ended up falling asleep. When I woke up the next morning I found 3 bottle of lube staring me in the face. No, not 1 but count them 3 bottles of lube. They were different flavors to boot! There was KY regular, KY warming massage, and KY his and hers. Wow.. exactly how much f*$king was he expecting to do that night. As I stared at my new friends that he spared no expense on I wondered, had they been there the whole time and I had not noticed or did he put them out before I woke up that morning. I left that morning thinking on the car ride home, what his intentions were for all that lube, I mean really, were more people to be invited to this party or was I the only one who got an invitation? If I had gone all the way with him would I have gotten to chose or would he have chosen for me. Would he play a game, hide two behind his back and say ‘Pick a hand…? I would pick the right one if I were you!!!!!!” What exactly was this man’s intention with all that f*&king lube? Either way, I think he and his lube have a very long and intimate relationship they will be building together… alone!

Mr. Narssistic Personality Disorder

Being that I don’t get out often I decided to sign up for a free dating website. No sooner had I finished my profile, I got a message from Mr. Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Mr. NPD. He stated he liked my profile and was working on a post graduate degree as well in engineering. Sounded impressive. We began emailing back and forth. He said he was from Iran. Yes that was the first warning signal, I immediately thought of several friends who had dated Middle Eastern men before and found them to be either controlling and demanding or sex maniacs who just wanted to play with American women until the virgin wife came along. I am not one who is prejudiced so I decided to keep an open mind. (Foolish girl!) He immediately was sending me messages stating things like I would be lucky if he ever kissed me, and how lucky I was he was interested in me. I immediately set out to destroy this ego as I can’t stand egotistical men, they aggravate the hell out of me and they are lucky to have ME! It came to the night of our date and he had hurt his eye and was at home and couldn’t make it. He then began messaging me asking me a question like how good of a kisser was I and if I was a real blonde. I decided play time was over and ignored his messages. I then went on a few dates with other gentlemen (Mr. Bollywood). Mr. NPD then messaged me again sending a very nice and polite message this time. After no luck with some other dates I decided to give it a try. We went out on our first date and the minute I met him I could not stop staring. He was dangerously good looking. We had coffee, went to a movie, and then had sushi and wine back at his place. He said he liked me so much and wanted to see me more. We began dating, going to dinner, watching movies at home, playing poker with his friends. The more comfortable he got the worse the ego got. I was constantly getting messages from him saying things like ‘Admit you’ve been thinking about me all day’ to which I of course replied ‘No... But the fact that you sent me this message lets me know YOU were thinking of me all day’ to which he replied ‘You wish’. It was playful; however after a while the true narcissistic ego side of him came out. He did not like my sassy replies and the teasing turned to insults. He complained that I had a self confidence issue (yes… I know… me have a self confidence issue.. I almost choked on my salad when I read that text. ) and again this truly proved how fragile his own ego was. Finally the last message he sent me was ‘I will call you if I feel like seeing you’. He then called me the next day and I ignored all his calls and texts.


Who needs a narssistic idiot? This man clearly did not understand that I had a brain and self esteem. I think in the dating world there are many women who will put up with this kind of nonsense, however I am NOT that woman. I need a man who is a real man, not a man who hides behind an overinflated ego to try to camoflage his male inadequacies. We can only hope Mr. NPD learned a lesson from this experience. Lesson number 1 for men in the dating world… don’t play games with girls who know how to play them better!

Sex and the City... Katie girls.

 There's a full post coming, but I am a Katie girl, I am also a Carrie Bradshaw for sure. And I love this clip from one of my favorite episodes of Sex in the City. I had an epifany today..a majority of my relationships woes come from the fact, that I am a wild girl and need someone just as wild to run with.

Mr Hot/Col

Lets face it.. we’re all confused out there, and that includes men. Two years ago I was at a dear friend’s birthday party when I met a very debonair gentleman. I was eating and he approached me with a video camara asking with a deep French accent ‘Oooo is dis beauuutiful woman?’ to which I quickly tried to pull myself together from the chicken leg and stammer out my name. He was tall dark and handsome, literally. Dressed in an expensive suit he asked me to dance. We danced all night. He then gave me his phone number. I called in a couple days (this is always a wise move ladies, you don’t want to seem to desperate!) We began dating and dated over the period of 3 months. I fell for him… hard. My birthday arrived and he spent it making my best friend as comfortable as he could and bought me an expensive heart shaped watch. I was hooked! A month later he stopped calling. When I asked him if we were breaking up the reply was ‘we were never together, we were just good friends’ I was devastated. I spent the next just trying to get over the damage. I began a long distance relationship with another man and just as soon as it was getting happy here comes Mr Hot/Cold. I wonder if he was thinking ‘Wow.. she might actually be getting over this.. let me mess her up again!’ We began a friendship again, me and the other guy didn’t work out so Mr Hot/Cold and I began dating again. This time he was recognizing the relationship. He made a fatal mistake though, he lied. He lied that a close friend of mine was talking behind my back in order to pull me away from her as she had just discovered the real reason of the previous breakup. He had another girlfriend in Africa he was planning to bring to the states and marry. When it looked like she might come, he dumped me. When he realized she wasn’t, he wanted me back to make it work. I have never been, nor will I ever be a second place girl. So I did the most evil spiteful thing I could think of. I started dating someone else without telling him, ignored his phone calls, and showed up to a party he would be attending with my new beau. The score was even, I had hurt him as bad as he hurt me. Not my most shinning moment but the look on his face was priceless!

Married and bored or single and lonely cont.

A couple of weeks ago I went out on date with someone I am now for lack of a better word dating. This is by far one of the strangest relationships I’ve been in, if you can even call it that. After dinner last night we came back to my place and started talking. We both came to the realization that neither one of us knows what the hell we want out of life. Romantically. We both agreed the idea of marriage is frightening. My gut reaction to marriage is similar to Carrie’s reaction to Aiden’s proposal , nausea. Then there are those days that I think it would be nice to find Mr. Right.. or true love whatever that is supposed to be. Then I realize that thought also scares the hell out of me because I never again want to be married and bored. I can remember clearly that by the time I married my husband I was already bored. I never want to feel trapped again. So these thoughts have left me mildly disturbed and pondering all morning long, Married and bored? Or Single and Lonely? I often times truly believe that we as humans are not meant to monogamous, but how can you have an open relationship without there being hurt and drama, and how do you have a closed relationship without some boredom? There seems to be no happy ending here. So my guy showed me this clip from Chris rock, I hope you enjoy and discuss.

Chris Rock-Married and bored or single and Lonely