Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do.. whatcha gonna do when we're coming for you!

Bad boys.. what is it about these deficient men that turn us on so much? It’s a classic and typical story you find with women in high school, women in college, women in the working world, and single women everywhere. A nice guy comes to take you out for dinner and a movie. He has impeccable manors, dressed nice, good job, can commit and will give us the world on a silver platter. By the end of the night you are thinking about nothing else but how to let this man down easy. However, if a man comes knocking, who is cocky, has good manners, but is a player or dangerous we can almost fall easily or instantly for him.


A good friend of mine readily and instantly will admit to the fact that she only falls for bad boys. She once had a man who was the owner of a jewelry store, gave her everything she wanted, but in the end she broke his heart and gave hers to a bad boy who was younger and much more dangerous only to have him break hers. Another friend of mine admits ‘We only fall for the guys that are hard to catch, the ones that give us their attention readily we don’t want’. This is true, and I believe it has to do with the fact that we as women need excitement. We need an element of danger, to know we are taking a risk. So does that make us adrenaline love junkies? I can readily admit the men I have fallen the hardest for have been bad boys. I must admit my own deficiency in the dating world; I am an adrenaline love junkie. The men that excite me the most are the bad boys. I am fascinated by them, especially the ones that combine manors with badness. Do we as women need drama in our relationships? I feel we do, just as much as men do. We always condemn men for going after the ‘crazy’ girl, but we must also admit that we as women like to go after the ‘bad’ boy.

Mr. Bollywood

And now, for the date of the week…..
This next gentlemen I met (and I will say gentlemen because in all fairness, he really was one) seemed to have his act together. This man was from India, was divorced, and had been living in this country for 13 years and had his own business. That was definitely a turn on. A man who is well off and smart in the business world is exciting! He was attractive and smart with a dry sense of humor. We talked on the phone a great deal before actually going on our first date. I noticed he seemed to always be calling me or texting me. (This immediately sent off a warning signal. Really I should’ve paid attention to this; I’m not quite sure why I am sometimes a glutton for punishment by not listening to my inner voice! ) The day of our first date I missed one of his phone calls and immediately got a text ‘What r u doing?’ Are you serious? A girl can’t miss a phone call or two? I called him back and let him know that wasn’t cool. He apologized and said he was worried because I had never missed one of his calls before. WOW.. code for INSECURE! We met for coffee, I was alarmed because the minute I stepped out of my car he was standing right there which caused me to let out a girlish scream followed by ‘Jesus H Christ!’ . He looked perplexed and handed me a bouquet of 3 red roses (here we go with the roses thing again ladies) which immedately set my alarm off! Coffee went well (once I calmed down from the initial jolt…guys, some women have jobs where they have to always be on their toes, especially if they work in the mental health field.. it is not cool to freak someone out like that, REALLY!) We then proceeded to the mall. He had decided he wanted to be trendier and need my fashionista advice. The entire walk around the mall he was hanging on me and holding my hand..I broke free when I could but it was a bit much and too much on a first date! The entire time he was planning the next month for us and what vacations we would take. He then took me to a movie where he wrapped both of his arms around me the entire movie. I do believe if I would have allowed him to sit in my lap he would have! Despite how successful this man was, I decided that waking up next to this leech every morning would not be worth any amount of money! I found myself wishing I was anywhere but there with him by the end of the movie.He was not creepy, just sad and pathetic so I just didn’t have it in me to be nasty. He kissed me goodnight, and the kiss was by far the worst kiss I had ever had. After that kiss, I was not interested in finding out what else was bad. I said my goodnight and ended this Bollywood movie. No woman wants a man that is clingy man. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t enjoy a man who can’t commit and is Mr. Cool as a Cucumber, but I will certainly take a cucumber over a man who can’t let me breathe or have my space. As a woman with personal space issues, this was a definite dating DON’T! C’mon guys, at least make me feel like I’m chasing you a little, it’s no fun if the prey is wounded! This man had as much drama as a Bollywood movie!

Mr. Smooth

Ok ladies, there are a few lessons my very intelligent and wise father has taught me in life. One is, if it seems to be too good to be true, it probably is. Mr. Smooth was yet another man I met on yahoo personals. He was tall, blonde, blue eyed and very good looking. We chatted for about a week, getting to know each other and common interests. He seemed nice enough, he had a good job and was a single dad. He asked me out for a lunch date which I agreed. When he met me with a dozen red roses. My first reaction was ‘oh how sweet!’. Ohhhh, foolish woman! This goes back to the whole if it seems to be too good to be true it probably is. We sat down at a nice Asian restaurant, had wine and wonderful food. On the way to the car he planted a kiss on me out of nowhere. Strange.. but ok. (again.. WRONG!) The kissing turned into a proposition which I was not willing nor ready to follow through on. I was polite, said good bye and that was it. The next morning I receive a text that states he no longer wants to go on anymore dates with me. It didn’t take long to figure out why, obviously because I did not put out.
Dating lesson number 3, if a man shows up on a date with a dozen red roses (or more than one really for that matter)it means one of two things, either A, he’s desperate or B, he’s trying to dupe you into jumping in the sack with him. Much to Mr. Smooth’s dismay, he spent a good $100 on fancy dinner and flowers to go home empty handed. And that.. ladies, is how you show the Mr. Smooth’s out there a lesson. I enjoyed my meal and my flowers, and my girlfriends and I had a GREAT chuckle at Mr. Smooth’s expense. We can only hope Mr. Smooth learned a thing or two from the experience as well, although that is doubtful.

The drunk magician

In December of 2007 a co-worker of mine decided to set me up with a friend of hers. He was funny, a magician, had his own painting business and a dog named Houdini. I thought I’d give it a shot. I met this fellow and quickly realized he was a friend of mine from back in my early college years. How fun! I always liked this guy and had even kissed him once before at a party. It was comfortable, because I had known him for years and knew he wasn’t a psycho. He invited me over for dinner, made Cajun steak and had my favorite beer. So far so good! We enjoyed an evening together full of laughter and a little romance. He drank a bit much, but to be honest, I was feeling a little tipsy myself so I didn’t hold it against him. WRONG! We said our goodbyes and I hung out with him 2 more times. One common theme seemed to prevail. He was always drunk by the end of the night. By the 3 date, he was so drunk by the end of the night, I had to ask him to leave and offered to give him a ride home. He refused.. stumble to his car and fortunately made it home alright. I knew this because in his drunken stupor he called me to cuss me out and tell me what a bitch I was. Oh dear. I give him credit though, a month later he called and apologized, realizing he had been a jerk and maybe.. quite possibly he had a drinking problem. Lesson learned. If your date is drunk by the end of the night, you can bet your money he has some issues!

The first date after a divorce

There is nothing pleasant about a divorce. In divorce absolutely no one comes out unscarred. Picking up the pieces of your life after a divorce can be quite challenging. Starting a new relationship after a divorce can be even more so, especially if you choose to take that journey with someone also recently divorced. This was my case in the fall of 2008.
I met Mr. History online through yahoo personals. He was working on his PHD in history; he had many of the same common interests as I did. Good looking, smart, single dad who seemed to be very well rounded. The first mistake was going out on the date with him the day his divorce was final. My divorce had not been finalized yet either but was well on its way. In retrospect I can now see this was a big mistake, but it seemed to make sense at the time. Simple enough, we met for drinks and immediately hit it off. He was smart, sensitive and good looking. The first clue should have been that he wanted to go dutch. LADIES please listen to me.. going dutch is really code talk for you can never expect me to pay for anything and I am a cheap ass!
The relationship progressed rather quickly (as most rebounds do) before you know it, our children have met each other and I was taking both him and his daughter upstate to meet my best friend. This.. was clearly.. a BAD idea. On the ride there and through the weekend I discovered his daughter had many behavioral problems and he soothed her with food. He went grocery shopping with my best friend and allowed her to pay for EVERYTHING without even so much as offering to pay for any of it. He never offered to pay for gas or any of the above. He did not get my friends goofy sense of humor (ok jackass, if you can’t get a discussing story or joke or two and you are that tightly wound up, no thanks). On the ride home his daughter got sick from eating too much junk food. We stopped, she was better, and then the next stop on the road he bought her more cheetos… ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME???? And as I remember correctly, that was exactly the response given. It was then we both realized, it was time to part ways. As romantically and beautifully as this relationship bloomed, in the matter of a month it spontaneously combusted. And that my dear friends, is what you call a rebound!